Trying to anyway.....
We're half-way through the first month of this year but it's only now that I found the courage to sit down and write. Well I've been writing, just not publishing. Sadly this year didn't start happy for me. Actually, it's more like a carry-over from the year that was. I didn't quite expect that 2014 would end the way it did but it did. Such is life I guess.
A dear friend departed this world before 2014 closed. It's still very hard for me to actually think, much less talk about it but I'm trying to move forward. It sort of came as a shock to me because I was left in the dark about it. I say 'sort of' because I wasn't told outright that something was wrong but I saw signs that something may be wrong with her as far back as about 2 years ago.
We were very close because we went through a lot together. A lot of life changes be it work related or personal matters. She saw me go through some very painful phases in my life including the deaths of my parents. She was also there when I hit some highs in my life . The only reason I can think of as to why she kept me in the dark with her health woes was because she knew me too well. She knew I probably wouldn't have handled it very well. That I'd panic and be more paranoid. She's right. After her passing I was a basket case for a few days. Sad as I was with what happened, I and another friend were left with the very difficult task of informing our common friends of her demise. The task at hand was made even harder with the fact that at the time of her death, it hasn't even sank in to me that she was ill because it all happened so quickly. I was bombarded with questions of how and why. I could answer the 'how' but definitely not the 'why'. Only HE knows why and all I can do is to accept that she's no longer just a phone, a chat, a PM away.
My husband saw first hand how affected I was, am, with what happened that he started to worry whenever I have to talk to another friend about it. He's been worried that I may not be able to handle another conversation about it because he saw how I was the first few days after I learned how sick she was. It got easier as the days passed but it's still very painful. When I last spoke with her via Skype, days before she died, she kept telling me that 'time heals all wounds' and that things will be better. I'm holding her to that promise right now. So far, she's not delivering.