Why???

I just got back from Merydith's blog and read her entry about cooking, ironing and more. Part of her entry is about her Ma's cooking. And what do you know...I started to miss my own "Nanay". Actually, I am now missing both my Nanay and Tatang. They both passed in 2000... 4 months apart. Yep, just 4 short months apart. Every now and then I still find myself thinking about them and why they chose to leave without me by their side. You see, my Nanay passed on while I was still teaching in Taiwan while my father passed while I was in Manila picking up my plane ticket for my trip back to Taiwan. I have always had that fear of getting a phone call and being told that someone I care about passed...probably because I'm the only 1 among the 5 siblings who's far most of the time.

March 11, 2000 was the day my Nanay passed. March 12, 2000 was the day I learned about it. I just finished dinner with my co-teacher and room mate and we're chatting while doing the dishes. The phone rang...we were laughing when she picked up the phone. When she said....it's for you...I just felt all the blood drained from my face. I just got the feeling that something's not right. It was my older brother on the line telling me what I was dreading to hear... our Nanay left us already. My world came crashing down. All I could do was sob while talking to him. The next morning, I took the longest and the saddest flight of my life. Two weeks after putting our beloved Nanay to rest, I had no choice but to go back to Taiwan. Since the school I used to work for is an international school, classes were still going on. I had to leave my very frail father to go back to my former school with a promise that I would be back in a few months - first week of June to be exact...so 2 more months. I came back in June 2000 to see an even weaker Tatang. I stayed with him day in, day out for the next 2 months that I was home for summer break. I was not looking forward to going back to Taiwan in August...but I had to. July 16, 2000... while at home taking care of my father, I got a call from my ticket agent telling me my ticket was ready for pick up. My flight was end of July so I had to pick it up as soon as possible. I decided to pick it up the next day. So I left his side on July 17 after telling him that I would back as soon as possible.

July 18, 2000. I was still in Manila and was planning in going back by my father's side the next day. I was texting with my brothers and sisters back and forth. At one point, I even called my brother. Everything seemed ok. The next day, July 19...my brother said that he would meet me at the bus station that morning and we could go home together. I went grocery shopping for oatmeal and some other soft food for my father while waiting for my brother. I met my brother with a big smile. We boarded the bus together. While we were sitting in the bus, he asked what was in the grocery bag. That was the time that he broke to me the news that my father left us already. My world came crashing down...for the second time.... in 4 months.

Up until today I'm still asking myself why they both 'left' while I was away. Was it their way of protecting me from the sadness of their departure? I don't know. One day I'll get the chance of seeing them again....and I'll ask them what I have been asking myself all these years...WHY???