Pinay WAHM

I got this from an email I think. I just laughed real hard when I read everything written on it. I guess it's true, eh? I particularly like PHYSICAL PROPERTIES #2: Boils at absolutely nothing - freezes for no apparent reason. Haha....I wonder how many men get a good laugh out of this. I've been trying to read jokes online since last week to lighten up my mood and it's working so I thought I'd share one of the things that made me laugh the last few days. I have a bunch of work to do but it's been a drag so to speak because of my so-called sleep deprivation. Anyway....back to work...

Here's one of the jokes I got from my daily dose of 'funnies' from Joke of the Day . Enjoy! One For You, One For Me... On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day,two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up th...

...then get a load of this !!!! English is Tough, Part 1... English is a tough language to learn: Can you read these right the first time? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present . 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 1...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or...

Business Management Course...101 L esson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lesson 2: ...

Quiz for Kids... Q: Name the four seasons . A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon . All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q:...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ***Some of these may only funny to those who know Tagalog.*** • A parlor in San Juan : Cut & Face • A wholesaler of balut in Sto. Tomas, Batangas: Starduck • A small Internet café: Cafe Pindot • A laundry in Manila : Summa Cum Laundry • A noodle restaurant in Pampanga: Mekeni Rogers [this is really funny to me since I'm from Pampanga....haha] • A restaurant in Pasig : Johnny’s Fried Chicken, The “Fried” of Marikina • A boxing gym in Taguig: Blow Jab • A tombstone maker in Antipolo: Lito Lapida • A copy center in Sikatuna Village , Quezon City : Pakopya ni Edgar • A kambingan: Sa Goat Kita • A salon somewhere: Curl Up And Dye • A store selling feeds for chicken along Sucat Road : Robocock • A shoe repair in Marikina : Dr. Shoe-Bago • A shoe repair shop along Commonwealth Avenue , Quezon City : SHOEPERMAN (We will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you) • A petshop: Petness First • A flower shop: Susan’s Roses • A taxicab: Income Taxi •...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here's hoping today will a better day than yesterday. Ha! That's always a wish I make when my day starts regardless what happened the previous day. It can only get better, right? Or at least that's what I wish for anyway. Nothing much happening around here. Right now I have a load of laundry in the dryer. The little one is doing her school work. I'm sitting here typing away while waiting. I'd leave it at that. As usual, I got my daily dose of ' Joke of the Day ' so I'm again sharing the jokes here. If these jokes make even just ONE person smile, then my job here is done. Tee heee.....here we go. Health Care In These United States, Part 1... These were actual hospital patient reports! Enjoy. 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very...

He Is Watching You... A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack, when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ from Joke of the Day ... HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ from: Joke of the Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Airplane Mode, Part 2... The in-flight "safety lecture" and pre-flight announcements on airplanes are sometimes spiced up a bit at some airlines. Here is the second part of some real examples that have been heard or reported: "And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!" ******************************************** "Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault. It was the asphalt." *******************************************...

This is the smart that one day we may all be driving. It's tiny..but it's smart, eh? For someone like me who hasn't tried driving a regular car yet, I may just like this itty bitty car. It looks easy to drive because it looks like a toy car. Ha! But have you heard that the more expensive cars like the Porsche, Ferrari, Lamborghini, etc. are also being made into Smart Cars? Well, if you haven't heard about that, today maybe your lucky day. Here are the first pictures of these cars made into Smart cars.... Smerrari Smamborghini Smorvette Smorsche

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ... after the "recession"?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other! MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master DIVORCE : Future Tense of Marriage LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power! DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight! OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenu...

From the diary of a Pre- School Teacher My five-year old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them, Nichole pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!" I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!" And so it does... " A f r i c a n Elephant " Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

Someone forwarded this to me. Some of them are really funny so I thought I'd post them here to spread the giggles. I'm off to bed as I had a very busy day today. Thanks for coming by.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SMART A** ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight o n Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART A** ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' S MART A** ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Since it's the start of a new week, I thought of posting these pictures I got in email a long time ago. Let's start the week right and smile, ok? I know I will because our COUCH finally arrived!!! After 8 weeks of waiting.... D --u -- H!!! D --u -- H!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6 FILIPINO tips for a happier life: 1) Lahat ng problema may solusyon, kapag walang solusyon, huwag mo nang problemahin. 2) Always remember - kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanila ,why tire yourself? 3) Hindi lahat ng gwapo may girlfriend, ang iba sa kanila may boyfriend. 4) Di bale nang tamad di naman pagod. 5) Practice makes perfect, but nobody is perfect so don't practice. 6) Don't face your problem if your problem is your face.

Here's something I came across a chat board I go to every now and then. Different answers or points of view to that mind boggling question: Why did the chicken cross the road?? The little one has a few answers to it but that's another post....LOL. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why did the chicken cross the road? SARAH PALIN : Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch. BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! JOHN MC CAIN : My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little Chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to Ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. ...

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. Here's his amazing interpretation of the bible. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching??? Through the eyes of a child: The Children's Bible in a Nutshell In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy You hoped nobody found out! Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile! Log on was adding wood to a fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode! Cut - you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu! ...